Well I guess I am a complete failure at life.

I can’t seem to get my grades up, so I’m probably going to either a). be forced to drop out of school or b). have to go back to the hell hole called chillicothe to finish my education. 

I seem to be repulsive to women apparently. I don’t think I’m particularly ugly or anything… I feel like I’m pretty average. I mean I’m somewhat intelligent, I dress nicely, I have good hygiene… maybe I’m just socially awkward. I’ll just accept the fact that I’m a loner. Whatever. 

Oh yeah! I’m still not on the snare line. Second year in a row I have been an alternate. Not good enough to be in the 110 either. And that really hurts, because that snare line was my fucking dream all through high school, and I have worked my ass off for this band for years. Guess who’s probably going to get kicked out of band by a freshman next year? THIS GUY. Why? HE AIN’T GOOD ENOUGH.

Oh and apparently I’m a complete failure at being an Air Force Cadet too. Ya know. From the shiny Form 16 reprimand I got today. Apparently I never give my 100% during PT. I’m always the first to give up. Always the one who falls out of the planks. I’m never good enough. EVER. Apparently every Cadré member sees how much I “don’t care” about physical training. I guess being sore as fuck and barely able to function after PT isn’t good enough. The fuck am I supposed to do?? Make my god damn body fall apart?? Fucking christ, the things that were pointed out were silly things… one day we did 70 push ups and went immediately into planks. Yeah, I admit, i fucking collapsed about 1:30 in. But after 70 fucking pushups, who the hell wouldn’t? God damnit. My own fucking flight commander told me I was doing great at PT. “You never give up, and seem to be putting my all into the work outs.” WHERE’S THE FUCKING DISCONNECT HERE??? WHAT AM I MISSING??? I don’t get it. 

I’m going to go do push ups and sit ups until i die now just to feel better about myself. Maybe I really I’m not good enough. I mean, it’s where I have been all my life. “You aren’t black enough Brady!” “Brady you aren’t white enough! Stop acting all hood or you’ll never get ahead!” “Brady you aren’t cool enough to hang out with us!” I mean fuck. It’s all I hear. Ever. 

I’m fucking trying my hardest to please all you fuckers. GIVE ME A BREAK. 

fuck this fuck that fuck everything fuck FUCK FUUUUUCK Piss the fuck OFF Jesus Christ FUCK. life school bitches and hoes failure dead just fucking DEAD. damnit. rant

This year is aggravating.

First of all, I didn’t make the snareline again this year. A freshman beat me by one point. I respect him. really I do. It was fair. It’s just I worked so god damned hard for that spot and I didn’t get it again. I may or may not give up on snare and just move to a different drum on the line. I mean, I really want it, but I’d rather just be on the field. 

People are also really making me angry. This scholarship organization i am in promised me that if i do all of these nitpicky requirements, i could get my scholarship back. I’ve done my part,  but the REFUSE to do theirs. I have gone to lindley EVERY SINGLE MONDAY for these dumb meetings and no one seems to know what their supposed to do. So for some reason, i feel like i’m not getting my money back unless i fight really hard for it. 

Relationships are dumb, so fuck that shit. 

Class is kicking my ass HARDCORE. Especially spanish. Ugh. I’m probably going to get a C in it like usual. fucking damnit. 

So yeah. thats my rant for the day. lol

ranting life class school aggravating people money